Two Days

Heyo,

Funny how time keeps ticking. I really planned on blogging yesterday.

But first I decided to go swimming. At a public pool. Without goggles. I just tried to spell 'goggles', googles'

Lets just say that the chlorine and my eyes got into a fight and the chlorine won. It got ugly blurry. And red, with some puffiness.

They are now better...but now I have waited until the last minute and I am tired.

So goodnight and God bless us, everyone.

<3 Lissa

Gone Crazy

Heyo,

So lately I think I may have gone crazy. Hard to tell, because it has been sneaking up on me for so long. I just don't know anymore, but I think it is bad, because...

• I spend more time studying, than like, anything else
• I get up at four-thirty at least two days a week
• I haven't acted in a film in over seven months
• I have only read like five books this year. FIVE.

<MELISSA PAUSES TO REGROUP FROM THAT STATMENT>

• I don't really get outside anymore and I am beginning to doubt that that sun is real
• I enjoy sleeping, late, early, middle, doesn't matter
• Most of my thinking times is spent on the future
• Anytime, anything comes up, I start to analyze it like a nurse
• This means a lot of uselessfull facts come up
• I talk about health things, like all the time
• Building fires and baking muffins is my 'therapy'
• I will only be a teenager for another year and a few odd months...

So I'm busted right? I have gone crazy sometime when I wasn't looking and now, now I am boring.

Oh, well, there are people working on a cure, right?

<3 Lissa

Not Writing, Per Se, But The Act Of Writing About Writing

Heyo,

They week after tests, is nice. The schedule is still crazy, but the stress is less. I also had a bit of time this weekend to toy with a story idea. I have started quite a few novels, but none like this.

See I have started dramas and cotemporary things, but the one thing my stories all had in common? The hero(ine) was tortured. Oh, maybe not physically, but mentally, just someway to make their bad life worse.

No more. This story, while it still might run a bit deep, is NOT going to have people in tears at the end of it. HOPEFULLY, although I do not take credit for people who are overly emotional, because I do not understand them.

Why am I deciding to do this? Because the world is dark and twisty enough without, yanno, using creative energy to make it worse. I want to make it better. Don't get me wrong, this is NOT a Pollyanna story although that may have been a favorite of mine when I was little, it is realistic. Things aren't perfect, but "bad" side isn't serial killers, it is the sin that hides in all of us. Bad enough to get us to hell, but 'small' enough that we can lie ourselves into oblivion.

My main character also just makes a lot of wise cracks. Not like anyone else I know...

This is also NOT a romance. Because there are other, sometimes even tougher, relationships that don't get enough page time. I like reading romances, it is just that there are sooooooo many out there and that genre also tends to lack plot or any point sometimes.

I guess I want a different genre or a cross-genre, or just something different that I don't see on shelves.What kind of books do you like to read? Hunger Games style, where everyone dies?  Which in a sense is pretty realistic I mean seriously it is coming to us all someday. Romances? Classic or precocious?

And on that uplifting note question...bye.


<3 Lissa

Things That Are Confusing

Heyo,

Here's another list: THE THINGS THAT ARE CONFUSING

• Weather warm enough for a t-shirt, surrounded by twelve inches of snow
• Inconsistent sleep patterns. My body is all: "I need between five-twelve hours. Yeah, that is a good range." Awesome.
• Grown-up-ness aka being eighteen. You are an adult. Just kidding, kid. Be responsible, like a adult. PICK ONE
• Pandora. Sometimes I turn it on and it picks perfectly. Next day, I am like "Do you even know me? Where are all the good songs from yesterday? I can't skip anymore?!"
• My brain during six hour lecture. First hour: attentive Second hour:distracted. Third hour: this is cool. Fourth hour: is it almost lunch? Fifth: sleepy. Sixth Almost done, but this is fascinating, but please stop
•  School cancellations. Are they going to call it? Not yet...how about now? Yes, no, maybe so?
• Textbooks. They say  things like "Don't do this," or "These are SERIOUS side affects" and then, they don't tell you what to DO.
• Cameras. They love me. They hate me. I guess they mostly just hate...
• Phones. Never ring when I need them too and during a solemn moment or the middle of lecture RRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNGGGG.

Rights with Responisbilties

Heyo

Been thinking:

I have the right to protect people.
I have the right to say no.
I have the right to say yes.
I have the right to make educated choices.
I have the right to be responsible.
I have a right to ask the same of others.

And everyday I am thankful for my rights.


<3 Melissa

Test Taking

Heyo,

Today I took a test. So test taking is on my mind. Here are the steps that I took:

1. Start early, studying at a snail's pace, because you may be slightly distracted with creative pursuits
2. Realize your study buddy, is sooooo much faster, because she is focused
3. Try to emulate
4. End up making beautiful notes
5. Realize you still don't know anything
6. Procrastinate while taking numerous online quizzes
7. It is the week before the test THERE IS NO MORE TIME
8. You begin carrying around PowerPoints like a purse, everywhere, the gym, outside, just everywhere
9. Have clinicals and sneak peaks at notes when your patient is sleeping
10. Be exhausted
11. Try to feebly watch lectures online
12. Go to bed, mumbling normal ranges of electrolytes
13. Get up, frantic, reviewing notes over breakfast
14. Drive to class
15. Listen to the lecture before the test ha, just kidding
16. Panic
17. Take the Test
18. Feel confident
19. Talk to other students
20. Feel like you failed
21. Listen to post-test lecture ha, still kidding
22. Go home
23. Feel empty, confused and anxious
24. Should you study? Or party?
25. Have flashbacks to questions on the test
26. Diagnose your self as having PTSD (Post Test Stress Disorder)
27. Check for grades
28. Check for grades
29. Check for grades
30. Check for grades
31. Check for grades
32. Finally check YOUR grade

<3 Lissa

Locked-Out

Heyo,

Yesterday I was prepared. I was going to work out early and the YMCA, and head straight to the hospital. No stopping back by the house, I would be gone for good at five am.

I put everything in the car. And then I was in bed (early) when I realized that I didn't have my phone. Phone = alarm clock. I had to find my phone.

So I check places in the house. Nothing

I go to the garage.

And the door won't open. I unlock it, still nothing. I figure it is me being a weak girl or something. So I try again.

Then I call my dad.

He couldn't open it. The door to the garage was jammed shut.

No big deal right? We grabbed a screw driver, and started jimmying it around.

The hinges were stuck. The lock was stuck. Suddenly the sour side of my brain started thinking.

There is no way to get in the garage, my homework, my uniform, my badge, my transportation. Everything I need for the day is in that room. AND I CAN'T GET IN. OR GET IT OUT. Everything I thought I would need is in there.

Except my phone. See as dad toyed with the handle, I ran upstairs and found my phone.

I *thought* I had thought of everything. Obviously this had NEVER occurred to me

Finally using a meat hammer (because all of the normal tools like hammers are in the garage) it opened.

Melissa = saved.

And today went smoothly. In fact I forgot about it almost completely until I sat down to blog and thought you all might enjoy. I mean, seriously, have YOU ever got stuck out of your garage?


<3 Lissa

P.S. I have a BIG test tomorrow, and prayers are always appreciated. Thanks!

Things That Are Just Not Okay (To Say)

Heyo,

Today. Today I thought I was lucky, because I got a snow day. While this messes up my schedule royally, it did give me more time to study for that test this Thursday.

I also thought it would give me time to blog...haha, nope.


Still because last week Tuesday, pretty much blew; here is something sarcastic, just for you.

Funny thing happens when you are nursing student. Or so I have been told. This is something that I would have completely lost perspective on, except I have a wonderful family who tells me when I get weird.

Things That Are Just Not Okay

• Talking about bodily fluids at the dinner table
• Calling your probably dying patient 'cool'
• Describing the epic wound that was all the way down to the bone with necrotic tissue
• Using Medical terminology because no one understands, not even me
• Recount exactly how many bowel movements/outputs/vomit episodes your patient had today
• Or how many times you had to clean that up
• Coming home and telling little sis how many ways she could die
• Comforting by telling her that she has to go sometime Yes, I got a lecture by mom, but seriously anyone can die from a pulmonary embolism
• Explaining your excitement about injections aka NEEDLES, shots, pokey things
• Giving Nursing Diagnosis to EVERYONE
• Evaluating food by nutritional content
• Talking about anything nursing related around someone 'normal' they won't be after you are through with them
• Using your stethoscope and not understanding what you are hearing
• Keeping everybody else as stressed out as you feel
• Having people trust you with their lives when you are eighteen

<3 Lissa

Lost

Heyo,

So, woah. There is thing the human race does. We communicate. Or more realistically, we spend our lives trying.

Lets talk about reading. Because I love reading a good book and I haven't be able to do that a whole lot, for so many reasons. Recently however, I found an irony.

That I spend hours in another world, to learn or to escape, out of this life I have. This life I chose and I love, but for a bit of time, I want to live someone else's usually more tortured existence. I finally understand what it is like to be someone else, by forgetting about me.

It enthralls me every time. How through getting lost, I find myself, or others close to me. It is the a beautiful thing, this communication business.


<3 Lissa

The Next Step

Heyo,

So I am not a planner. I swear. I know I talk about it a lot on here. Productivity. Planning.

Maybe I have started planning more, but I haven't actually gotten more done...so is planning a waste of time?

<Cue crisis>

<Melissa leaves that train of thought, because that is so NOT the topic of this blog>

<Continues on with courage>

When planning. I get caught up in anxiety sometimes. How am I supposed to study, and prep paperwork, have Bible study, be a supportive family member, sleep, have fun (hah) and generally be a nice person? (Maybe this isn't a lot to do for most people, sorry. For me it is) Everything sounds good in theory, but getting it all done? How?

During clinicals this week I made one of my best friends and it was with the cleaning lady. I also had an insightful conversation. I commented how hard she was working and thanked her for being so diligent and she scoffed and said, "You students and the ones who are busy! I can't imagine studying and doing all this work in the hospital."

And I said, "You just have to do the next thing."

So plan. Tell yourself you are going to study for four hours. Break it down, open your book, close the internet tabs, whatever. Just do the next thing. Panic doesn't help.

You don't have to know the big picture, because you don't know what God will give you tomorrow. That is the beauty of life, surprises without stress.

And you simply need to know the next step. And do it.

<3Lissa

Title-To-Not-Be-Determined

Heyo,

So much to do. *sigh* I got a lot done today, but I am wondering if it was enough, if it was the right things, and am I prepared?

Not just for the next test, but for life.

Not just for real life right now, but for life eternal.

This moment the answer is no. I am not here yet, of course, it takes a lifetime.

But am I on my way?

Mark 12:30

"Love the Lord you God wih all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." 

It takes ALL my heart, ALL my soul, ALL my mind, and ALL my strength. ALL the time.

<3 Lissa

COLD rants

Heyo,

So it is COLD here. Not just cold, but COLD. 

I have taken to making fires because the sun here is so broken at four months out of a year. What's a Cali girl to do?
 

Things I Have Learned About Winter Weather

• Apparently bare feet are a bad idea in February
• Just because the sun is out, doesn't mean the temperature has increased at all
• Heat blankets are heaven
• Really anything warm is
• Hot chocolate
• School is cancelled at the drop of anything frozen
• The East Coast world is just wrapped around Elsa's thumb
• Inside anywhere is HOT, um.....confusing much?
• Coats-not just for fashion 
• Boots- ditto, who would a thought?
• Wind makes everything so. Much. COLDER.

What do you dislike about the COLD? Thoughts? Arguments?

<3 Lissa

The End Of the Beggining

Heyo,

So I did it. This week. For all practical  purposes it is over, done, through, complete.

There were highs like giving vaccine shots for the first time, and lows, like, my first test. And thus it went high, low, high, low. I improved on some leadership skills and stunk at studying.

And the world keep right on moving.

Sorry for the lack of quality posts recently. Trying to keep this up (mainly to remember who I am) while also not flunking out of school, or getting sick. Good ideas, right?

No promises for next week.

Right now I am a low. It is time for bed a rest. Because next week I do it all again.

And I need to be ready. I must be ready. I will be ready.

<3 Lissa

Test Tommorrow

Heyo,

First test in one on my classes tomorrow and this is the current state of affairs. Thought about tweeting this. And then I remembered this little blog and was like: "I don't have time for both and I think this is funny." So is this funny? I have no perspective after clinicals today.

1. Alternating between: I know nothing and I will fail. 
2. I KNOW NOTHING AND MUST STUDY LIKE SIN
3. I got this.
4. WHERE DO I EVEN START???!!!!
5. So easy.
6. OKAY SERIOUSLY THIS IS THE THIRD WEEK OF CLASS WHO GIVES STUDENTS A TEST AFTER TWO WEEKS. oh, yeah, the nursing department.
7. But its not that much information
8. IF YOU DON'T CONSIDER EIGHT CHAPTERS ALOT.
9. Could be worse.
10. DON'T SAY THAT. NOW IT WILL BE THE WORST TEST IN THE HISTORY-
11. Keep calm and carry on.
12. I. CAN'T.
13. There are more tests after this.
14. thismessegeisbroughttoyoubyabot,becauseMelissahasnomorefreetimetotype.Canonlystudy.Study.Study.

 

Basically if I get a good grade it will be all God, just like usual :)

 

<3Lissa

Your Turn

Heyo,

So today I promised something sarcastic
But not too caustic
Something for laughs
And isn't about patient graphs.

Some might think it easy
But after clinicals till two, and homework till ten
The thought makes me queasy
Not like appendicitis would
Or a test could
Just like pressure can.

So instead of retorts or humor
You the consumer
Tell me something.

Because things should always be give and take
And right now I'm not quite awake, so
Your turn.

<3 Lissa

i am missing

Heyo,

Monday is almost over, felt like a bit of a blur to be quite honest; all school and sleepwalking not literally. Now I am prepping for clinicals and praying my alarms works.

Somewhere in my sedate, studious brain, there is a  call of things forgotten, gone missing.

Things I am missing:

Sand

Sun

Warmth

Sleep

Reading (fiction)

Outside

Time

Prep

Words

Processing speed

Efficiency

Priorities

Fun

Writing

Crafting

Cooking

Cleaning

Clean paper

 

Or maybe I am not missing things; I am just missing.

 

 

 

<3Lissa



I Am Missing Something

Heyo all,

Ever had the nagging thought you forgot something? I have been feeling that way quite a bit lately. I assumed it was because I was actually forgetting some assignment or something. It turned out a bit less concrete than that.

See now that school is back in full swing, I been getting progressively busier. I say 'no' to a lot of things and still end up at seven and still awake at eleven 0'clock with unfinished school work. Something is out of place.

I know, that this might just be a busy time, but I can't help but think that I didn't plan properly. I missed some prep work I was supposed to do. I am not ahead, which (in nursing school) practically, means you are behind.

Maybe it is just that I have my first test this week and it is the second week of clinicals. I don't know. Still there is so much. And I got tired and while it is all interesting, I felt apathy coming upon me.

Then I had a moment tonight when it all seemed worth it.

Because I was listening to a song I first heard two years ago when I was just starting my pre-requisites at the college and suddenly I realized that I am living my dream. I am studying to be a nurse. I am on that step that I have been dreaming about forever ( or since I was a very little girl).

That was the piece that I was missing.

<3 Lissa

Fraud Update

Heyo,

Lets talk about money. Because remember that fraud I had awhile back? Well, that has now been taken care off and I have my card back. And I spend more money when I have a card. Because there are too many vending machines and I get hungry. Then there are cool books. Possible a tolerable movie. Don't get me started on clothes.

So I have been brainstorming ways to keep better track control of my money. Because otherwise I buy pretty much whatever, whenever.

And this needs to stop. I need start saving more (I have an investment account), but I also need to planning farther into the future.

Doesn't that sound boring? Because it sounded really boring at first to me. Motivation has been lacking. So I have been thinking it through in my head. About how in a few years after school I may want to travel or own my own car-things, that sounds exciting. All of which need money.

So pretty much I need boring to exchange for exciting.

That is how most of life goes. School for jobs. Sleep to wake.  Life on earth for life in heaven.

I love the trade-in deals.

<3 Lissa

So Studying. In Other Words: LIFE

Heyo,

*dusts off blogger* *wonders what happened*

How have you been? My, how you have grown. What you haven't? I could swear...Oh, it's only been two days? My, how the time...crawls.

I have been gloriously cleaning up after patients, feeling useless when I can't give their meds, and at the top of triumph when I am allowed to flush their PEG tube.

Depths come when you try to flush and get spray with gastric juices.

Next day, lecture. Six full, long hours of it. That's okay; you forget what the sun looks like anyway. Not that there is much in February.

And today. The day you decide to actually STUDY for that test next week. Yeah, that one you forgot about. Still on, ready or not.

QUICK LIST OF HOW TO STUDY

• Grab thick Textbook, Notebook, Pencils/pens (assorted) and some specific Focus off the shelf
• Start writing
• Get hand cramps
• Shake it off
• Start reading the chapters again
• Instead read the first sentence over and over again
• Grab something to drink
• Finally read half the chapter
• Realize every word is highlight, and that is counter-productive
• Don't care, because really why bother?
• Review notes
• They contradict the book
• Pull out some hair
• Practice those deep breathing exercise
• Email three different teachers about the error
• Take practice quizzes
• Fail
• Study with a study buddy
• Smile
• Then finish and fall asleep, worrying about all the homework you didn't finish.

Anyone relate? Is it only me? Or only nursing?

Oh, and then blog about experiences.


This is the life. Or my life. What is your life been about?

<3Lissa

Not A Fan

Heyo,

Sorry to see this series go, although you never really know.

I know what you all CPers are thinking. "Why does it have to end???" 

You're right. You all are certainly endless material for making-fun. Still, Faults of the Forums and other such posts shall remain unpublished.

"Why?" 

You ask? Because I don't want this blog to turn into a college plus blog, because I am not a college plus person.

I am only irreversibly related to one.

Sure, I may have kept going for awhile more, if it wasn't for one thing, one phrase. Meg started calling it fan fiction.

Fan Fiction.

And that is when I knew things went awry.

Fiction? Maybe' I mean I am not a student, and these have been humorously written, so quite possibly the truth has been stretched. That part didn't bug me. The OTHER word did. If you get one thing from this whole thing, know. I. Am. Not. A. Fan.

Nor am against it.

I believe it is too complex to adore it or hate it. There is good and there is bad. Okay? I was trying to balance the conversation out. I think I mildly succeeded it giving others a taste of the other side.

For those of you simply here for the sarcasm, don't you worry! That part of this all will continue. My next victim will be homeschoolers, nursing students or readers.

Stereotypes are enemy of sarcasm, so let keep beating them down.

<3 Lissa

Off The Charts

Heyo

Maybe I have said this before, but whatever. As  a kid, I wasn't super smart. I was a HUGE reader, but only for the stories, not because I liked reading. It was hard and I hated phonics. I legitimately took algebra three times to earn an A. Tests are a nightmare in my book. Let me talk about it, but pick a multiple choice or *gasp* Select-All-That-Apply and I am struggling. Things came HARD to me and I pushed through them.

Now I am in nursing school (albeit at a affordable community college) program and people are calling me smart. Patients ask questions, teachers demand excellence. I look around thinking they mean someone else. They trust me to get the right answer. Tomorrow starts my second semester of clinicals and this time it is at the hospital.

This terrifies me.

I keep trying to work hard to stay successful. I love the feeling of being smart, but all to often I end up just feeling overwhelmed.

Then I blog about it, which is almost the same as talking about it and I feel better, because it is too early in the semester to really mess grades or things up. And God is on my side, so, peace.

I think I need some sleep too.

Some things, I guess, just can't be charted.

<3 Lissa

Football Cookies

Heyo people.

I am pretty random on here. And there is a good reason for that. I have to start about three blog posts each day before I get to some topic that makes my fingers fly over the keyboard and I feel comfortable posting. Still managed to post everyday last month, wohoo! So if you think its random, it probably is, but it is the best I have for you and me.

Today, we are doing some  creative writing practice and describing moment that happened while baking today in such detail that you will want to run away (?). In other words story time.

I put all the sugar and butter in to mix and it looks like sugar-snow all pushed around inside the mixer. So yummy, I added the eggs to give it a golden glow and poured the vanilla, which blends it all together colors and flavors together.

Almost done. I measure the three-fourths-a-cup cocoa and pour it in. Then I flip the switch on the mixer. There is a lot to mix, so I push it forward, pushing it faster.

The air is suddenly full of  a drifting fog of cocoa. Some girl's dream, is my nightmare as it spreads over the kitchen in plague proportions.

It spares no space, not a surface safe from the overcoming chocolate powder.

I sneak a glance toward the table. The family is still munching on their precious popcorn; never minding the expansive issue behind them.

Surveying the scene I note that the damage on the counters wasn't nearly as bad as the mess on me. I literally was wearing about half the powder on my person. It was all over my pullover.

I tried to brush some off, over the sink. Clapping my hands together in order to shake the persistant powder loose.

Caution to the wind, made others wonder and I was caught brown-handed.

Mom was by my side in a moment. Quickly, like an experienced pro, she grabbed the vinegar spray to conquer the air. She wasn't letting some ingredient take over her kitchen. She knew the type and wasn't about to let that happen.

"I got it mom." I heard my voice saying. As much as I wished to be rescued, I had to do this myself. It wasn't fair to have her clean up my conundrum. I could do it. I was capable.

"Take off your sweatshirt and then fine." She said relinquishing the spray into my hands.

Easy conditions. I took the offending hoodie off quickly, before she changed her mind about my skill level.

Then I scrubbed the sides of the appliances and scoured all the stuff. Until they only thing, that dark purulent color, was the cookie dough safely tucked in the fridge.

Reading for rolling and cutting and baking.

But my part, my part in the production was played.

The end. Or that is all I plan to write about that. I mean as long as the world is turning there is never really an ending.

And its all okay. So tomorrow contains so much school work that I haven't done. Just have to breath and plan for it to all get done; while also forcing myself to do sanity saving activities like pouring cocoa everywhere.

Seriously don't underestimate the power of the powdered cocoa.

<3Lissa