Heyo,
Finals are approaching and NaNoWriMo is in full swing, which is exciting and awesome. My motto most days is that 'someday' need to be today.
So this morning I was writing out note cards with meds for my patient next week and I was listening to Crash Course Literature and it was making me very contemplative. There was a specific part in Catcher in the Rye (part two) where they were discussing Holden's lost innocence. It made me think about my own innocence and how I trash it every opportunity I get, but how I protect innocence as long as I can in others. 'Others' mostly being my little sister. I don't want her to grow up too quickly, but I have this other standard for myself and I always feel like I am not growing callused fast enough.
I recently took care of a dying patient; it destroyed some of my romanticized ideas on death and how I though I would react to it. Instead of crying or really doing anything, all I felt was confused. Like I was upset, but there was no way to feel something, because as a health care worker, I only knew this person for days, not the sum of her ninety-four years. I was hurting, but there was no closure for me. I was supposed to get tough and keep moving. I lost innocence, that people would take care of me or that I would feel a certain way.
This Wenesday, I turned on the History channel and saw a program on the Third Reich that showed the horrible destruction not only of Jews, but also Germans. Nations of people left without the order, nations need to thrive. I saw how German's committed suicide en masse when the Russians invaded. I saw how they made the Germans living bury the dead of the holocaust. This was not the first time I have watched or read something about World War II, but I wonder if the topic will ever get old. I want to keep ripping the Band-Aid off my wounded soul and soak it in the infected world.
Is that a bad thing? Is innocence something I want to keep? Because if it is, I am doing a very poor job of protecting it.
<3 Lissa
